🗿 We’re Fed Up, Are You?

If you love to complain about things you can’t control, today’s issue is for you

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GM. It’s Friday, and we’re fed up. 

If you love to complain about things you can’t control, today’s issue is for you. We’re giving you the ammo to convince your drinking buddies this weekend that you just weren’t meant to live in this generation. 

Without Further Ado. ☕ *knuckle cracks* ☕ Let’s get into it.

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PayPal, Disney, and Nike all dropped 50-80% recently from all-time highs.

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5 Things We Really Hate

  1. Corporate Ameria is getting out of hand

What a deal. You get to live in this cracked out willy wonka fantasy of a shoebox apartment. Imagine bringing someone back after a night out to this oompa loompa gangbang room. Grow up, America. 

  1. Training robots for our demise continues

Idk how many times we have to say it. Why.Is.This.Happening. Just stop training these things to kill us, we literally do not need them at all.

  1. Chairman of Economic Advisors for Biden has no f***ing clue tf he’s doing

This clip is the most frightening thing we have for you this week. He’s supposed to be a leading expert and has less knowledge than your least favorite crypto twitter scammer or econ undergrad. Not great.

  1. Boy scouts dropping the “boy” to be more inclusive 🙄

It just seems so unnecessary. They are the boy scouts, not to be confused with the girl scouts. But now we will be confused? Are they the same? What about all the badges and honors with boy scout in the name, are those voided now? Nothing is sacred. Tradition is dead. 

  1. We’re using AI to protect Olympic athlete’s poor little egos

TL;DR – the international olympic committee will be censoring negative posts about athletes across all social media this year. 

So you’re telling me after some guy blows a 3 stride lead in the 800m he doesn’t get to hear about it on twitter? Weak. 

It’s the biggest moment of his life, I’m sure the disappointment he’s feeling already is 10000000000x more than what @olympics_fan21 has to say on the matter. 

If you can’t handle the consequences of failing, maybe you weren’t cut out for Olympic glory. Overcoming it all is why we celebrate the great ones. 

Or maybe we should just hand out Gold’s to everyone this year so no one has to be exposed to failure.

Some good news 

U.S. fertility rates dropped to a 100-year low, probably because we’re all doused in poison, but at least fewer people will have to live in a Skittles apartment. 

Our advice? Go outside, touch grass, especially if you’re in a place lucky enough to have grass not being trampled by hoards of sh*t from neglected inner city apartment dogs. 

We’ll be here monitoring the downfall of humanity so you don’t have to.

No Fomo News 📰

  • OpenAI considers allowing users to create AI-generated pornography (Guardian)

  • Report: OpenAI to launch its AI-powered search engine a day before Google I/O (9to5Google)

  • House votes to nullify SEC’s anti-crypto banking guidance SAB 121 (CT)

  • Bankrupt crypto exchange FTX says it will be able to repay creditors full $11bn (Guardian)

  • Elon Musk’s Neuralink Had a Brain Implant Setback (Wired)

  • What Rivian, Lucid, and Fisker tell us about the current state of EVs (TheVerge)

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